


Education

by Starofwinter



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Bad Flirting, Dialogue-Only, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Riding, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 23:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12851706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Anomaly just wanted a quick hookup, and found out he'd be giving sex ed.





	Education

“Yeah, fuck, take it, bitch-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, stop.  Is this what you think sex is supposed to be like- wait, have you ever had sex before?”

“No-”

“Gods, I haven’t had enough to drink for this, okay, come here, I’m gonna teach you to do this right, if only so I can actually get off tonight.  If I wanted to jerk off to shitty dirty talk, I’d have snagged a holo.”

“I’m sorry-”

“No, it’s fine, you just need a little education is all, and I did kind of pick you up in a bar.  Alright, so we’re going to start with talking.  Talking is your friend.  Talking is where you find out if the person you’re fucking with wants to be fucked and how.  If I ever hear you didn’t make sure someone was into what you’re doing with them, I’m gonna come back and I’m gonna decommission you myself, you understand me?”

“Yessir.”

“Good.  Now that we’ve got that out of the way, what you want is to get them talking - not like they do in holos, gods all, nothing kills a good buzz like that.  What you want is to get in close, just like this, close enough to kiss, and you  _ tell them how pretty they are _ .”

“But… what if they aren’t?”  

“Okay, first of all, if you’re not into them, they’re going to know, don’t be an asshole.  Second, you can always find something you like about someone else.  Maybe they’ve got nice eyes, or a pretty mouth- on second thought, don’t say they’ve got a pretty mouth, that sounds weird and creepy.  My point is, you can find something you like, and you  _ tell them _ .  Everyone likes to hear they’re pretty.  Or handsome.  Or something.  You’ll find out what works.  The point is, you want them to feel  _ important _ , and to feel good.  You don’t deserve to get laid if you can’t do that.”

“I think I can do that, yeah.”

“Good.  You’re doing great, vod, I knew you’d catch on quick, and with a pretty face like yours, you’ll have them eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.  Now, the next part, is to tell them what you want to do, and then make sure that’s okay.  Ease into it though, slow and  _ quiet _ , make it just for them, something like… I want to ride that pretty cock of yours all night long, want to hear you moaning  _ my name _ , fuck, I want to feel you inside me, is that what you want, me in your lap, your hands wrapped around my hips while I give you what you need?”

“Stars, yes, I need you-”

“Easy, easy, we’re not done yet.  Kiss me- not fast, slow it down, we’ve got plenty of time.  Take your time, take a breath… there, that’s better, isn’t it?  Just like that, and you can keep going with what I told you before, too…”

“I want to feel you wrapped around my cock, you’re so beautiful, could get lost in your eyes…”

“Mhm, just like that, you’re doing good, tiger…  Now, your hands.  Don’t get too handsy too fast, but  _ feel them _ .  Learn what makes their heart skip a beat, what makes them  _ shiver _ .  You can use your mouth for that too, kiss the throat, under the ear, over their shoulders and chest, if they like that.  Just pay attention to them.  Pamper them.  Make them feel like they’re  _ important _ .  Right now?  They’re your whole kriffing galaxy, understand?  They’re the most important, beautiful, wonderful being you’ve ever laid eyes on, and it’s  _ your job _ to make them feel that way.”

“But how do I do that without getting bored?”

“If you’re getting bored while you’re doing it, you need to rethink your priorities.  If you’re not interested enough for that, then go have a drink with your vode, and try again later, alright?  I’m not giving you a hard time - you’ll see, just trust me.  If it’s something you want, you gotta spend time doing it  _ right _ .  Don’t half-ass it just to empty your clip and go to sleep.”

“I wouldn’t do that-”

“Easy, I know you wouldn’t, I’m just saying it.  You’re a good man, and you’re already   picking this up fast.  Here, try this-  I like having a hand in my hair, but somebody else might not, and there’s a lot of beings without hair, or that keep it short.  The commander - though if I catch you trying this  _ osik _ with him either, I’ll kick your  _ shebse _ from one side of Coruscant to the other, yeah?  Alright, good.  See?  You’re picking up fast, keeping that other hand there.  You’ve got amazing hands, wonder what they’ll feel like around my cock.”  

“Can I try that?”

“Mhm, here- once you start-  _ fuck _ , you’re good.  Helps when we’ve got similar equipment, doesn’t it?  Hey, it’s okay to laugh, laughter’s good, so long as you’re not laughing at somebody else, at least here.”

“How… how do I know if somebody likes what I’m doing?”

“Just watch-  _ kriff _ \- and listen, you’ll pick it up easy-  When-  _ ngh _ \- when they like something, you’ll know- keep doing that, don’t stop-”

“So… you liked that?”

“...Yeah, yeah, I liked that, kriff, you  _ are _ good.  C’mere, you deserve a kiss for that-  Mm, you’re lucky I got myself ready before I left, I’ll have to go over that some other time.  Ready?”

“Came out of the tank locked and loaded.”

“Hey, tiger.  Do yourself a favor, don’t try that line with anybody else, yeah?  Same thing I said about pretty mouths, sounds wrong.  You’re cute though, so you get away with it this time.  Now, hold onto my hips-”

“Oh  _ fuck _ -”

“Hang on, don’t start moving yet- gods, give me a couple seconds.  ‘s just courtesy.”

“You feel amazing…”

“Keep talking like that, you’re doing alright, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”

“Stars, you’re so tight and hot- don’t think I’ll ever get off with just my hand again… you look so good, taking all of me-”

“Slow down, what’d I say?  We’ve got time, make it last, you’re okay.  Gods, you’re good, just like that, cyar’ika, I’ve got you.  You feel kriffing incredible, you know that?  Fucking perfect-”

“ _ Fuck _ -”

“That was good- fuck, you’re so good…”

“Better?”

“Much better.  Hold on, cleanup’s a bitch-  There we go, that’ll do for now.  How do you feel?”

“Good- really,  _ really _ good.  Hey, um, I’m sorry, about earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it, know it’s not like the Kaminiise are gonna teach you how to do it, ‘s why we look out for each other, yeah?”

“Yeah, I guess so.  Thanks.”

“You ever need another lesson, you look me up, yeah?  Name’s Ano-  Ah well, guess staying awake for pillow talk can be lesson two.  Sleep well, vod.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone found this as funny as I did at 2am.


End file.
